In 2013, we shared a simple image and statement online as part of a celebration of our anniversary and our friendship. The image of our 2012 Anniversary Celebration taken by photographer, Kim Kutcher, was accompanied by a passage from our October 2012 Journal:
“Good relationships don’t just happen; they take time, patience, and two people who truly want to work to be together.”
At the time, we had no intention of writing words that would become widely quoted. We were simply expressing something we had learned through our own life together. Good relationships are not accidental. They are not sustained by romance alone, good intentions alone, or the passing of time alone. They are strong and resilient because two people continue choosing each other, practicing patience, making room for growth, and doing the work of staying connected and putting each other first.
Since then, those words have traveled much farther than we ever imagined.
We are grateful and delighted that our celebration quote has been shared widely. It is rewarding to know that an online posting born out of our anniversary and relationship has resonated with people around the world. We are touched that others have seen their own love, friendship, commitment, or hope reflected in those words.
We discovered that our adage has been shared on websites, quote collections, social media pages, blogs, images, and even posters being sold online. It has appeared across many countries and even on websites in other languages, often still quoted in English. And, although some well respected sites, such as Tiny Buddah, and Michael Bliss have thoughtfully credited the quote to us, we have also seen it commonly attributed to “Anonymous,” and in many cases, the two most important words “to work” have been dropped. The maxim should read:
“Good relationships don’t just happen; they take time, patience, and two people who truly want to work to be together.” ~JnK Davis
The phrase “to work” is the heart of the quote. That’s what makes good relationships “work.” Relationships require much more than wanting to be together. They require two people who want to work to be together.
In his book, The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck described love not merely as a feeling, but as an act of will — a willingness to extend oneself for the growth of oneself or another person. That idea has always resonated with us. And we have built our relationship on it.
When we wrote that good relationships require “two people who truly want to work to be together,” we were speaking from that same understanding: love is not passive. Love is not the feeling of affection, attraction, or comfort. Love is practiced.
“To work” means choosing actions that help both people grow into the fullest version of themselves. It means wanting the other person’s highest good, not merely wanting them to remain convenient, familiar, or unchanged.
Sometimes that work looks like encouragement. Sometimes it looks like sacrifice. Sometimes it looks like making room for another person’s dreams, even when those dreams require time, patience, adjustment, or change. Sometimes it means laying down individual preferences—letting go of individual hobbies or personal interests in order to build shared hobbies, common interests, and a life that both people can enjoy together.
At its best, love does not shrink either person. It lifts both people higher.
That is what we meant by “to work.” The work is two people actively choosing the habits, sacrifices, conversations, forgiveness, patience, and shared commitments that allow both the relationship and the people within it to grow.
That was the truth were expressing in 2013. It is still the truth we believe today.
So, if you have shared this quote, saved it, printed it, reposted it, or found meaning in it, thank you. We are honored that it has found a place in so many hearts and homes.
We simply ask that you join us in helping the quote retain its relationship-building power. If you have posted or shared it without the words “to work,” please repost it with the full quote. If you have posted or shared it without attributing it to JnK Davis, we would be grateful if you added the attribution. In doing so, you help preserve the meaning of the quote and help us continue to share what we have learned about togetherness and sustainable relationship.
“Good relationships don’t just happen; they take time, patience, and two people who truly want to work to be together.” ~JnK Davis