Ridge Haven Memorial Gardens

18 February 2024

Shelby Jean Malone lived two doors down from Ridge Haven. Although we never met her, we met her through her gardens, and through her children—whom are also our neighbors, and now, also our family. Through them, we could see the beauty Shelby planted in the world. And yet, as we learned, Shelby’s health made it increasingly difficult for her to plant a garden each spring—and to get out amongst the flowers that had brought her so much joy throughout the summer of her life. Her world, her vision, was mostly from inside her home, through her windows—from which no garden could be seen. And so, we planted a flower garden for Shelby to enjoy from her window. This was to become our first memorial garden at Ridge Haven, as on September 19, 2021, Shelby Jean Malone passed away.

On May 14, 2023—Mother’s Day—we installed a memorial plaque for Shelby in her namesake garden, the ‘Shelby Garden.’ On the anniversary of Shelby’s passing in 2023, we installed three more memorials—for our niece and for two of our aunts. The Memorial Gardens at Ridge Haven represent the process of Re-membering—a discovery of our family but ultimately of ourselves. Re-membering is our journey. And although no one can take the journey for us, no one need take it alone.

Below is a list of the memorial installations to date, as well as the installations we have planned for the current year.
Thank you for being a part of our journey.

Memorial to Be Installed 2024	Birth – Death
John Michael Davis	05/23/1981 – 02/10/2004
James Robert Grimes	03/25/1926 – 09/06/2021
Doris Louise Freshwater Grimes	02/18/1926 – 11/05/2023
Violet Carr Moore Plaque Donated by: Vi Parsons	02/07/1939 – 11/26/2023

Re-Membering Family

The stories of our dearly departed, our ancestors, are our stories—the stories of the living—the fruits of which we are tasting now, both the sweet and the bitter. Yet, we have a sense that they have “departed”—or most often, we have no sense at all, as if they never were. They are largely forgotten; we go about our lives, unaware of how their lives have contributed to ours, of how their experiences have shaped our own, of how their values have informed our own.

How easily we forget them when they are not “here” to remind us. And in our neglect, we neglect aspects of ourselves—of our own story; we are dismembered, and we fail to enrich the story as a whole. Their lives—however short, however beautiful, however harsh, however loving, however fearful, however ‘spiritually enlightened’ or not—have made a difference in the world, and, most significantly, have made a difference to us as their descendants, as their family members, and as their closest heirs. Their thoughts—what they have hoped for, their dreams, their values, their beliefs, their likes and dislikes, their aspirations and desperations—have not departed (though it may often seem that way).

Re-membering means making a space in the garden of our hearts for how others—those who have come before us—have experienced life. The point is not that we always agree with them, or agree with their values, or agree with their actions, but that we value their lived experience. Life is not easy. When we re-member we give value—we say, ‘you are useful: your experience, your sacrifices, your joys, and yes, even your sins, have value as we come to understand ourselves and our own lived experience. Your story tells part of the whole story, and the whole story is a beautiful story, beyond even what words can tell.’

The Memorial Gardens at Ridge Haven is what our re-membering process looks like—an outward expression, a symbolic representation of the space we have made, and continue to make, in our hearts. The memorial plaques are solid, brass, immune to the cold and harsh winds of time that attempt to hide the full structure of the family story—our story. They remind us. So too is this website a reminder—a digital or ‘virtual’ space—pointing to the re-membering process.